When I was in high school, one of my favorite bands was The
Scorpions. I liked the hard rock/heavy metal sound. I enjoyed the
energy and drive of it. And I liked the mix of music that was about
having wild, fun times and the occasional power ballads that were
more sentimental. It fit for me. Even with all the anger I had,
there was still that part that wanted to believe in love, in the idea
of finding someone. Of finding a soulmate, and that if you loved
each other enough, then it'd all be all right. It wasn't the promise
that love would make everything easy, or that there wouldn't be hard
times. But if there was love between you, then it'd work out OK in
the end and you'd get to be happy and together. For me, nothing
epitomized that more than this song:
It's about the idea that things haven't gone well. There are
problems. There are hurt feelings. There's distance between y'all.
There's also still the hope of it working out. And the best that's
available to bring as a reason to give things another chance
is....love. After all, “still loving you.” That seemed to fit
with the idea of marriage being something that's for richer and
poorer, for sickness and health, for better for worse, until Death do
you part....and maybe not even then. Love is what holds it all
together. You just love each other as hard and as strong as you can.
End of story.
One of the hardest lessons I had to learn, and I still get reminded
of it, is that things are rarely as simple as they seem. Don't get
me wrong. I still think love is fantastic. I still think it's
amazing. I still think that it makes just about everything possible.
However, I don't think it's the end-all, be-all of things working
out between two people. I don't think it's what'll hold a
relationship together. I don't think that you just can sit there and
feel it with all the might you can summon and...things will be happy
the way I want. Yeah, it doesn't work that way. You do need to have
love, but you need other stuff, too: dedication, tolerance of
discomfort, commitment, work, etc.
It's one reason why the last power ballad the Scorpions put out has
impressed me so much. The last one, “Lorelei,” is more about
having been in love and having had to walk away. Because sometimes
love doesn't last. Sometimes relationships don't work out. And it
doesn't mean that it hurts any less, or that it doesn't keep hurting
over time, even if it's sporadic. And sometimes the harder thing is
knowing when to let go...and continuing to not hold on or grasp back
at what was:
There were a lot of good things to the time my wife and I shared.
I've been able to remember them more clearly in the last couple
months. In some ways, it's a blessing. In others, it makes it hurt
worse, at least for now. The fact there were good things, that there
was love there, isn't undone by her choice to end her life. At the
same time, that love wasn't enough. Not on her part, or mine. It's
not as simple as love will make it work. If it didn't work, there
wasn't love, or not enough. That it was ALL a lie. Maybe some of it
was. But not all.
Hell is tricky. It's not just great pits of fire or huge demons
roaring hard enough to make the air shake brandishing red-hot giant
tridents. The torments aren't just made up of the wailing or weeping
or screaming. Part of what makes Hell what it is is that it's
sometimes subtle. It's sometimes tricky. Sometimes it's not as
simple as it seems.
Sometimes...
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