Macho

Most of the guys I know grew up having, at one point or another, the idea that they were indestructible.  Sure, not all of them were athletic or strong or muscular.  However, across the board, there was the belief on some level that nothing bad could touch them.  It seems like that's a belief that stays with most guys for much of their lives.

Until something bad happens.

It can't be just any bad thing.  Those minor things that people recover from easily don't break through that.  Break a bone?  Eh, no big deal.  People heal up.  Crash a car?  As long as you can walk away, it's no big deal.  Besides, it's a chance to either fix or replace the car.  There are a lot of things where we guys can just "man up," pull ourselves up by our bootstraps (or jockstraps, in some cases) and soldier on.

Have your spouse commit suicide and die (yes, I know it's redundant)?  Unless you didn't give a damn about her, there's no way to macho through that.  Don't get me wrong.  Plenty try to do it.  Some can hold it together for awhile.  It never lasts, though.  Sooner or later, the shattered person falls apart.

Sooner or later, the emotions overwhelm both personality and defenses.  Sadness comes up.  Rage comes up.  Fear comes up.  Guilt and doubt come up.  Maybe they can be held off for awhile, especially during the day at work.  Or at night in pursuing the latest fling.  In time, though, the energy to hold it all together just isn't there.  Maybe in the middle of the night, maybe first thing on waking up, maybe while in the shower.  The shell fails.

At that point, the invulnerable, indestructible man is....just a person.  He's vulnerable.  Thoughts come up whether they're wanted or not.  Emotions come up, also whether wanted or not.  He'll hurt.  Things won't be in his control anymore.  Life is suddenly seen as something that can hit him, and hit him hard.  It's like the first time a dainty foot crashes into his testicles and reduces him to a heap of whimpering, whining, nearly inert biology.

And there's no more believing that he's somehow invulnerable and safe.

The only way through now is to come to accept that fact.  He's no longer ten feet tall and the earth doesn't shake to his footsteps.  He's no longer able to slip unnoticed by the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.  He's just a....a....

Just like everyone else.