Shaving and Grief

One of the things I decided to do after me darlin' wife left this world is to learn how to shave with a straight razor. I'd been interested off and on for quite some time, but this time around I finally got into putting the energy and effort into it. I know it's something that I pretty much only get to do on the weekends. It's not something I can do quickly in the morning before going to work. And, in some respects, it's a lot easier to use an electric or one of the disposable, good-quality razors you can find in a drug store or Wal-Mart. Still, there's something appealing to me about developing that skill. It's hope men shaved for a long, LONG time. And, heck, if the world ever does go to Hell, I'll still be able to shave. Heh...

Part of the process for me has been also learning how to sharpen and maintain a razor. I've known how to sharpen knives for a long time. That's been really handy, especially keeping my kitchen cutlery in good shape. The technique used for sharpening a razor, though, is substantially different from what you'd use for a kitchen or pocket knife. The edge that's needed is thinner so that it can be sharper. I've been working on that, too. And, in the process, I've gotten to learn that there's a big difference in how a razor operates when it's sharp versus when it's not. When it's not sharp enough, it is substantially more uncomfortable to shave. Sometimes even painful as it's more tearing hair rather than cutting smoothly through it. It's also true that it's far more likely that a dull razor will cut you. And that's no fun.

However, a properly sharpened razor has one major issue to it: IT WILL CUT YOU AND YOU WON'T EVEN FEEL IT.

As I'd thought about it, that has reminded me of dealing with grief in some ways. There have been plenty of things that surprised me, that brought up a lot more pain or anger or fear or confusion than I'd foreseen or expected. They were things I walked into, thinking nothing of them, and then found myself bleeding emotionally. And it's taken awhile to figure out just why that happened. It's a similar challenge in learning to shave with a straight razor, not having the immediate pain to let you know instantly when you've done something wrong. You get to figure it out in retrospect...and hopefully get it right.

Along with that, progress does come. I deal with things better now than I used to. Even the hard things generally don't mess with me as bad as they used to. Sure, sometimes I still get surprised. Sometimes handling things better means they hurt half as much, or maybe half as long. A fair chunk of that has come from trying to look back over what's come up, what I've done, and figuring out how to do it better. Now, when I do a good shave, I'm proud of how I look, how my face feels. Now, when I deal with something that was hard better than I did before, I've got some confidence in being able to handle things.

It doesn't mean there's not more to go through. But it helps bolster my faith with belief based on experience that I can make it all the way down....and eventually out.